Sunday, June 24, 2012

Integrate, Don't Eliminate; Aspergers is Something to Embrace, Not Overcome

I always hear people talk about "our battle with Aspergers" or some other phrasing that makes me believe that a lot of people don't really have a full understanding of what Aspergers is all about. Aspergers is a very unique and special gift that can be nurtured, as I have told young Aspies before, it's almost like a super power. You don't know what it can do just yet, but as you get older you will learn ways to develop your "powers" meaning special skills.

If you're a parent that spends all your time and energy trying to overcome Aspergers, let me tell you, you're fighting a losing battle, Aspergers is something you should work to embrace, not try to do battle with. Remember this phrase when things get hectic... Integrate, don't Eliminate.

Look at the facts in your life, after all, that's what your Aspie is doing. :

  • If someone you love has Aspergers, it's not going away. 
  • While there are areas where you can modify behavior to better suit etiquette or social interaction, it is unfair to think you need to bend your Aspie towards all social norms, it's not fair to him. He has just as much right to live life as he wants as anyone else does theirs, sometimes other people need to change to suit him.
  • Choose the path of least resistance, it's not just for physics anymore! Why fight to change something that may be trivial in the long term? You may get so caught up in an action or behavior that you haven't really taken the time to consider if it even needs to change. How does this action affect you or other people? How will it affect you negatively in a year from now or five years? If you can look at it subjectively and realize that it's not a big deal, let it go, which leads us to the next point...
  • Let it go! Sometimes, even when you know you're right, just the act of letting something go can be cathartic for everyone involved. Choose your battles, you aren't surrendering, but maybe putting it off for another day, maybe when your Aspie is older or has more social experience under his belt. 

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